I Write Sins, Not Tragedies
by the-lost-slayer
Summary: Oh no, Frank is about to get married to the love of his life, and Joe is no where to be seen! Well, there is a reason for everything, and things aren't how they seem. Callie bashing and no slash/incest!


_Where are they? The wedding is going to start in an hour!_ thought Frank as he looked at his pocket watch. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Frank Hardy was getting married to the love of his life, Callie Shaw .. Well, this is Frank Hardy. Of course, he's going to be unpredictable. Speaking of unpredictable, where the bloody hell is Joe when his brother is about to get married?!

* * *

"Okay, guys. Are you ready?" asked Joe. He was wearing a black top hat and a red suit. He looked just like a ring master in a circus with the black baton with white tips and white gloves. In front of him were all of DA and some of the Order minus his brother and Callie.

"We're ready, Joe, but are you sure about this?" asked Nancy as she put on some clown's makeup.

"I am very sure. Phil, you brought the things from my shop right?" asked George, turning over to his brothers best friend. Phil lifted up a small bag of silver dust.

"Got it, Joe," said Phil as Luna helped him into some metal stilts, making him even taller than normal. Joe nodded.

"Harry, you hooked up the boom box, right?" asked George. Harry waved from the mess of wires.

"Yup. The music is going to be sent to the surround system in the church," said Harry who had his hair in a black (please don't laugh) ponytail as per Joe's instructions. _Time to shake up this wedding_. thought Joe with a mischievous smile as he touched the rim of his hat.

* * *

Frank was at the alter and looked in horror that the groom's side of the church was completely empty while Callie's side was filled with many people that Frank didn't even know. He was worried that something may have happened to his family and friends and thought about postponing the whole thing. His mother ran across the alter and got on her tiptoes to whisper into his ear.

"Don't worry. Everyone will be coming soon. They got a bit…delayed," said Laura Hardy reassuringly. Frank nodded and gave his mother a quick kiss on the cheek before she bustled back to wherever she was before instead of sitting down where she was supposed to. Fred took a deep breath as he heard the wedding music played by Callie's father. Callie walked in, radiantly as usual, coming down the alter and coming towards Frank.

"We are gathered here today to witness the holy matrimony of this fine young couple…" said the elderly priest.

"I love you," whispered Callie.

"I love you too," whispered Frank with a smile.

"This is an absolutely beautiful wedding," whispered Marietta to Stephanie. Meanwhile…

* * *

"**Good luck, Joe!" said Vanessa as she gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Joe smiled and nodded as she ran over to the other side of the church.**

"**Joe, get your voice ready," said Bess as she stretched her legs. Joe nodded and twirled over to the door of the church, not opening it yet. He cleared his voice and sang softly as Harry started the music that the people inside the church were sure to hear. He put on the headphones that Bess had given him.**

_**Oh, well imagine as I pace through the pews of a church corridor**_

_**And I can't help but to hear **_

_**No, I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words:**_

"_**What a beautiful wedding!**_

_**What a beautiful wedding!" says a bridesmaid to a waiter**_

"_**Yes, but what a shame.**_

_**What a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore."**_

That last word was enough to make Joe angry enough to kick the door open. He burst into the room, making everyone turn around and look at his strange clothing. Callie was looking at him indignantly at the "whore" comment.

_**I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamned door?!"**_

_**No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality!**_

All of the DA start coming into the church from all entrances wearing circus costumes that made Callie looked indignant while making Frank both confused and amused.

_**I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamned door?!"**_

_**No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of…**_

Joe made all of DA sit on the groom's side with a lowering of his right arm. He walked over to Frank and stood behind him.

_**Well, in fact**_

_**Well, I'll look at it this way**_

_**I mean technically our marriage is saved**_

Frank looked at his brother strangely while Joe ignored his expression.

_**Well, this calls for a toast **_

_**So pour the champagne.**_

Joee then walked over and stood behind a very irate Callie while the priest had no idea what to do.

_**Oh! Well, in fact**_

_**Well, I'll look at it this way**_

_**I mean technically our marriage is saved**_

_**Well, this calls for a toast**_

_**So pour the champagne, pour the champagne**_

Phil stood up and took out a handful of the Hardy Epiphany silver powder from his pocket. Joe smiled. This would make all of the people realize just what a whore Callie was and keep them from interrupting Joe's little performance. Phil blew it over all of the people on Callie's side. They shook their heads, and realization started to dawn on their faces. They stood up, along with the DA.

_**I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamned door?!"**_

_**No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality!**_

Everyone started to dance with the music and ignored the bride and groom, who were arguing while Joe was walking among the dancers. Harry was able to balance on one hand while his legs were in the air and one hand on his hat. When he got back up, he gave Bess a boost to make her do a back flip. Phil was busy juggling pins while Luna made a tornado of sparkles that surrounded the whole room and darted around the dancers. Nancy was able to balance on a giant rubber ball while Neville hit Draco with a wooden slapstick.

_**I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamned door?!"**_

_**No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality!**_

Callie ran away from a begging Frank and out of the church with her best friend, Anthony Goldstein, chasing after her.

_**Again…**_

Frank looked at Joe with a betrayed expression while Joe grimaced and walked over to his brother and grabbed his tie.

_**I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamned door?!"**_

Joe pointed at the door with his black baton where Anthony and Callie just left.

_**No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality!**_

Joe dragged Frank by the tie out of the church with Phil, Harry, and the DA trailing behind them. They walked out the door.

_**I'd chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamned door?!"**_

Joe pointed towards his left to show Frank Callie making out Anthony Goldstein. Frank's jaw dropped as he ripped off his tie. Callie looked surprised and mouthed 'sorry' while Phil and Harry held Frank back. Joe stepped in front of Frank and sang in front of his face,

_**No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality!**_

Frank nodded, realizing that he wasn't going to act crazy about this because it wasn't worth his time.

_**Again…**_

"You know, you guys could've just showed me that she was cheating. You didn't have to do a whole circus act! Not that I don't appreciate it! I mean, that's the best you've looked all year, Phil!" said Frank, looking at Phil who had a big red clown nose.

"Oh, sod off! Joe made us put on all of this stuff!" grumbled Phil as he yanked the ball off. Joe smiled.

"Well, telling you wouldn't have been nearly as fun!" said Joe, twirling around the black baton, "Besides, we found a sin and didn't want it to turn into a tragedy!"

* * *

**How was it? It was just a silly idea that I got while watching the music video. I just happened to be obsessed with the song the day I wrote this. Please review and tell me if I did the music video and the song justice!**


End file.
